I feel like I’m slipping. Just kind of falling out of place again. I’m having a complete breakdown and I just want to sit here and cry and do nothing. But that’s not something I can do. I have to be an adult right? Be responsible. Make sure everything is perfect and make sure you make As in all…
I’ve been unhappy for the like half my life I’ve been contemplating suicide off and on for the last 3-4years and ive started cutting in the last 6months I’ve tried material things to make me happy (girlfriends, I got an easy job for easy money) but nothing’s worked and I think I’ve hit rock bottom, I’ve already thought out how I’m gonna do it and I’m starting my note tomorrow, I don’t know who in my immediate life will care or if anyone on here will care.
Late Nights and Cracked Walls”
"Counting the cracks on the walls have become a nightly game,
since the night I decided that my name would mean something to someone,
and I couldn’t figure out why it ever mattered as much as it does now,
and my life seems to spin and spin.
Late nights I lay awake and I write letters to people I will never meet in cities I will never visit silently hoping that one day they will mean something,
That my words will mean something to someone,
I dream of singers on stages in front of people who believe in the words spilling out of their mouths more than the ones resounding off the walls in their own heads,
and I wonder why that is so,
Why do these words matter so much?
I spend late nights wondering if my name will mean something to someone and if the words that spill out of my mouth will become someone’s truth, Late nights spent on pondering the meaning of words and why we put so much value on some more than others and I still haven’t counted all the cracks in the walls.